Flight attendant gives examples of what not to do on an aircraft
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Flight attendant Dan Air revealed that despite always offering to give passengers a hand, not everything the crew says is true.
“I’ll come back with more information as soon as I have some”
“Which will be sometime never,” Dan admitted.
“If it’s a technical issue, do I look like a mechanic? Not in this outfit darling.
“A weather-related delay? Well, I’m no meteorologist and sadly can’t work miracles and make the fog disappear or the snow melt.
“To be fair, your over-worked and under-paid crew are always the last people to know so there’s really not much point asking us.”
“There’s no need to worry, our aircraft is completely safe!”
The flight attendant said that although they are not necessarily lying, the crew can’t be completely sure the aircraft won’t have a technical issue.
Dan joked: “Just ignore the gaffer tape on the wing, the broken overhead lockers, the faulty toilet, the sink in the forward galley that keeps over flowing, the dodgy air conditioning units above row 31 and don’t even get me started on the broken seal around door 2L.
“Please don’t be alarmed when you discover that this aircraft is almost as old as Cher and has done more miles than the space shuttle.
“Our engineers are very handy with their tool boxes and can work miracles,” he said.
“This is perfectly normal”
Dan admitted they “have to tell you that”.
“If it’s a strange noise, we may have never heard of it before. If it’s a funny smell, we might never have smelt it.
“And if it’s really bad turbulence, it’s probably the worst we’ve ever experienced too.
“But no matter how scared we are, our perfect, pearly white smile NEVER wavers.”
“We don’t have any of that left”
Dan explained they may have whatever the passenger is asking for but it is just very inconvenient or nearly impossible to get at the time they ask.
The flight attendant said: “Well, first of all, it depends what you’re asking me for.
“We may still have it, but it will be on the other trolley or all the way back in the galley locked in a canister.”
Dan explained crew are “normally not” sorry but they apologise just to make the passenger feel better.
He explained: “Whatever it is we’re apologising for, it probably isn’t our fault. But we do, as it makes you think that you have won and makes our life that little bit easier.
“Yes, I’m sorry for the crap weather that has delayed your flight. I’m sorry for the French air traffic controllers who have once again decided to go on strike.
“I apologise that we have run out of chicken, I know, it’s all my fault and I really should have made sure there was more loaded onboard. I can’t apologise enough that Heathrow can’t handle more than an inch of snow.
“I’m sorry for the exploding volcano in Iceland and please accept my sincerest apologies for the damaged engine on this jet; but believe me I would much rather it be broken here than at 37,000 feet.”
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